Uber Meat

Last night, my wife treated me to a treat I can only describe as Uber Meat. Ah, Uber Meat, the flavorful, just tender enough, meat-eating experience that can only be obtained by consuming a thick, medium-rare cut of cow. No chicken breast, nor pork chop, nor cut of seafood, no matter how seasoned and prepared, can compare to a heapin' hunk of beef that cries "moo" when you dive in with knife and fork.

My journey toward Uber Meat enlightenment has spanned my near 40 years of existence on this plane. Decades of medium to well-done steaks, under the precautionary banners of "fear of food contamination", "fear of food poisoning", and "just cook it through to make sure it won't kill you afterward" dotted my quest for moo-meat Nirvana. Growing up, I was blessed with parents who loved to cook a delightful array of dishes, but when it came to beef, what I come to consider Uber Meat was not on the menu.

A journey to Canada a couple of years ago, and my first plate of true prime rib, changed my perception of moo-meat forever. That simple dish introduced me to a bevy of flavors and textures that danced on my tongue like a caffeine-addicted Beatnik poet out of control until his brain explodes. With the first bite, my perception of what makes a good hunk of meat changed forever. Yes, it was that good. I had, finally, obtained the paragon of meat-loving goodness that is Uber Meat.

Fast-forward to present-day. When BBQ'ing or otherwise preparing a thick cut of cow, I insist on having mine medium-rare (some restaurants I have frequented cook their beef a touch more than tradition dictates, so I tell them, "make mine rare, you scorchers of cow!")... This week, my wife (who loves Uber Meat as much as I) cooked up some thick steaks just the way they should be done - broiled in the oven until medium-rare, and served with a simple side dish, in this case a rice pilaf. Such a prepared steak does not need sauces or spices. The flavor of the meat speaks for itself, almost to the point that a side dish would distract from how damn good the meat is. When prepared correctly, serving anything with Uber Meat merely provides a means to have an item in your meal that's from another food group. Nutritionists insist on veggies and such with your dinner. I say, "hell no!" For an orgasmic experience for the taste buds, all that's necessary is the Uber Meat.

Worst Album Covers Ever - Round Four

It's time once again to review some of the worst album covers of all time!

Yes Geraldine, trees talk too... when they are cut down, shaped, polished, painted and dressed like a miniature Evel Knievel from Hell, then forced to perform on an album with you, honey.

Frank, Joe, Carl, and Binky - the four Middle School Principals of the Apocalypse - sing your gospel favorites...

...or a comb? Or sleeves?

Liberace's dumpy cousin performs some of Scotland's unsung pop favorites, like "Haggis, Haggis, Who's Got the Haggis?", "My Favorite Color Is Plaid", and "Drunker Than the Irish".

This album actually contains recordings of Microsoft software engineers after they have been told of the myriad flaws in Windows Vista. When you consider that, the album is not that "amazing", is it?

Check out my previous "Worst Album Covers Ever" posts here, here, and here.

Night of the Living Democrats, Starring Me!

Bananaphone!!!

A children's classic song, a la Half-Life 2. A must watch! I usually reserve videos for my video vault blog, but this was so good, I couldn't let be relegated to a blog no one looks at.

Worst Album Covers Ever - Round Three

Surfing the web today, I came across more of the Worst Album Covers of All Time. We'll call this "Round Three". Enjoy!

I just can't wrap (or would it be "rap"?) my brain around this album cover. Is Swamp Dogg a rapper, a DJ, or a behavioral scientist with poor fashion sense and an equally poor moniker?

Lesbian Power Authority: something in between the Chicago Transit Authority and Prince's New Power Generation

Finally, we discover the source of Lyle Lovett's hairstyle! Thanks, Russia!

Fans of this extra-crunchy musical tidbit from Col. Harlan Sanders call it "finger lickin' good!"

This album cover gives new meaning to the phrase "sour cream". Dang! There comes a time when a woman should be discouraged from trying to sell albums by wearing nothing but a dairy product. For the Frivolous Five, that time came and went a while back. This cover is as sexy as botulism.

More to come later!

More of the Worst Album Covers

A while back, I posted some pictures of the worst album covers ever. I wanted to share with you a few other pictures from that crazy collection of musical rug-burns...

Two Bing Crosby look-alikes, dressed like Col. Sanders, belting out gospel music, with the Lord of Evil cheering them on from inside a Weber BBQ. Perhaps Satan is their manager? Critics called this album, "very hot".

Aaaaaaaaaarrrgh! Run away! The lunch lady from my junior high school has an album! Noooooooooo!

If you're looking for an early source of Global Warming, look no further than the massive beehive hairdo that takes up the majority of the center of this album cover. The amount of Aqua Net hairspray needed to keep that monstrosity up is directly linked to the depletion of Earth's ozone layer, which some contend is a contributing factor to the warming of the globe. (Greenies take note: beehive hairdos are bad for the environment!)

This album cover is as coy as a photo of a man cooking steaks on a BBQ with a caption that reads, "I like to eat beef". Is he a rapper? The album cover suggests that he may be a gastroenterologist, but the name "Pooh Man" may mean he is the world's biggest fan of Edward Bear's award-winning children's book character, Winnie-The-Pooh. Hey, MC Pooh! Eeyore and Piglet want you to give up the rap career and stick to inspecting colons, 'cause this album is less acceptable than a surprise finger-poke in the backside.

Worst Album Covers Ever

Surfing the web today... came across a site that features a gallery of some of the worst album covers ever. They are real stinkers. I thought I'd share a couple of them with you...

Freddie! Make new friends! And what an odd album title from such a cheery-sounding record label...


These folks look like the voc-ed teachers I knew in high school.


OK, this is just too creepy.


Zip! Zap! Rap! Crap!

Recipes

The weather is starting to get warmer, and BBQ season is getting into full swing. Don't forget to try my butterburgers sometime. Or perhaps my Sweet & Smokey BBQ sauce? Or my Mustard & Molasses BBQ sauce? Or my Spicy BBQ Sauce?

If BBQ isn't your thing, then may I suggest Curried Lamb with Basmati Rice? Or my Beef Brisket? Or my String Pie?

Just giving you some options for the next time you choose to cook...

An Open Letter to Bulk E-Mailers and Spammers - Year 3

My radio station’s Internet Service Provider (ISP) has, for years, done their level best to filter out junk from the numerous e-mail accounts I have been relegated to manage. About once every year, however, the ISP tweaks or upgrades its anti-spam filter, which results in a temporary deluge of junk e-mails. I applaud my stations ISP for doing what I can only assume is their level best. Alas, about once a year (for about a 1 month period), I get a stinking, flaming paper bag full of garbage in my e-mail inbox.

At such times, I written an open letter to those who are trying so hard to entice me to purchase the items and services they are offering. And, as it is that time once again, here’s my latest “open letter to e-mail spammers”.

Dear Sir/Madam/Off-Shore Bulk E-Mailer:

I thank you for your interest in offering your (product/service) to (insert recipient here). After all, in the United States, a free marketplace is key, and I applaud your enthusiasm to convince me to spend money on your (product/service). At this time, however, I am unable (or unwilling) to purchase your (product/service). It’s not you (the spammer/bulk e-mailer)! You’re doing what you’re employer has asked you to do, and such, you’re just doing your job. I cannot speak on behalf of my co-workers, but, if you take a moment to review my reasons below, I will not purchase your (product/service) at this time for the following reasons:

Over the past 5+ years, I have been inundated with offers to refinance my home loan. Please note that I am not a homeowner, and at such time that I own a home of my own, I will finance the loan through my local bank or mortgage company, not through someone who sends me 50 e-mails a day asking me to give your "discount home loan refinancing" a try.

I am, at this time, not interested in purchasing any pharmaceuticals manufactured in third world countries that boast “natural male enhancement”. Come to think of it, I’m not interested in anything manufactured in third-world countries, nor am I interested in any (products/services) that offer “natural male enhancement”. I have never inquired to anyone about such enhancement products/services, nor do I plan to in the foreseeable future. Not that it is any of your business (and it’s not), but if my “marital relations” were suffering from any “shortcomings”, I would have consulted a doctor, not you. At this time “natural male enhancement” for me would likely involve squatting on a hornets nest. As I am allergic to hornets, never plan to squat on a hornets nest, and I have no idea if the pharmaceuticals you offer contain hornet venom, I will especially try to avoid purchasing your product. The same applies to discount pharmaceuticals from Canada, minus the hornet venom.

Speaking of “male enhancement” and other such products, I would appreciate it – if you insist on sending me 50+ e-mails per day pitching me such offers – if you would take a moment to correct your spelling. Proper spelling will always enhance the sales pitch. For clarification purposes, it’s “Cialis”, not “Ci8lIs”. It’s “Viagra”, not “vIaGr8”. It’s “small cap stocks”, not “smal1 cAp st0ck$”. And if you’re offering software at “d1scount PrIce$”, it’s “Microsoft Windows XP”, not “m1cr0so0ft W1nd0ws xP”.

For your benefit, I must also stress the importance of a proper e-mail address, as it conveys to a recipient a sense of honesty. Key to this is the name on the e-mail coinciding with the name in the e-mail address. How can I be sure of your intention to be an honest product/service provider if your e-mail says it’s from “Bob Johnson”, while the e-mail address says "frankfredricksen@___.com"? And why are you sending me 50+ e-mails a day, using various forged e-mail addresses, pitching the same product/service? If I were interested, I would have given you my money by now, wouldn’t I?

I could site a number of other reasons why I’m not, at this time, interested in your product/service, but I hope I’ve made my point clear – you don’t have my business.

Wishing you continued success in future endeavors –

- Radioguy

Mmmm... Butterburgers....

As I've mentioned before, Wifey and I are, once again on the Atkins diet, the first two weeks of which limits us to pretty much just meat, cheese and salad. Breaking the chains of monotony during the first two weeks is dependent upon getting creative with how those three foodstuff interact. So, last week, Wifey suggested we try a tip for burgers that Paula Deen suggested to keep the patties moist on the BBQ (we do a lot of BBQing on this diet) - put a pat of butter inside each patty before cooking. Not only is it a great tip, but I had, in fact, used it before. "OK, smart guy," my wife said, "then you make the burgers!" Here's what I came up with:

Radioguy's Butterburgers

Ingredients

• 3 pounds ground beef
• 4 eggs
• 2 1/2 cups finely ground pork rinds
• 2 tbls. liquid smoke
• 2 tbls. onion powder
• butter
• sliced cheese

Directions

• In a large bowl, thoroughly combine the beef, eggs, liquid smoke and onion powder.
• Mix in the pork rinds.
• Shape into 1/3 pound patties. Make an indentation in the center of each patty. Place a pat of butter (or butter substitute) into the indentation. Fold meat from the sides of the patty over the butter-filled indentation, smoothing the meat out so as it doesn't show any butter "peeking through" (essentially placing the butter in the center of the patty, like the jelly of a jelly-filled donut).
• Cook (or BBQ) the patties as you would normally do. Top with sliced cheese (we used Sargento Chipotle Cheddar slices).
• Serve as patty melts or as "regular" burgers.

Makes 9 burgers.

The important thing about this recipe is - aside from the butter - the pork rinds. As the patties cook, and the butter melts into the meat, the rinds keep the butter from escaping, thereby keeping the patties very moist.

These burgers are Atkins friendly, but are great for anyone.

New Twist On My Trusty BBQ Sauce

Tried a culinary experiment yesterday - modifying my homemade BBQ sauce to create a new variety. I was pretty pleased with the results. I call it "Radioguy's Sweet & Smokey BBQ Sauce". Here's the recipe:

INGREDIENTS

• 1 cup catsup
• 1 ¼ cup brown sugar, firmly packed
• ¼ cup lime juice
• 1 tbls. Vegetable oil
• 1 tbls. Lea & Perrin’s Worcestershire sauce
• 12 oz. tomato paste
• 12 oz. Beer, any brand
• 1 ½ cup onion, finely chopped
• 4 cloves garlic, finely chopped
• 1 ounce liquid smoke

DIRECTIONS

• In a 2-quart saucepan or pot, combine the catsup, brown sugar, lime juice, vegetable oil, Worchester sauce, tomato paste, and beer.
• In a food processor or spice grinder, mix the onion and garlic, then add to the sauce. Add to the mixture in the saucepan.
• Heat all ingredients to boiling, add liquid smoke and reduce heat to low. Cover and simmer for 1 hour, stirring occasionally.

Yield: about 5 cups of sauce.

Glen Fu: The One Finger Squishy Pig Attack!

Glen Fu: The 12 Ounce Can Attack!

Glen Fu: The One Move Attack

Brisket tonight!

Beef brisket is on the menu for dinner tonight. The recipe I'm using is one of my own:

• Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
• Place brisket, fat side up, on a rack in a roasting pan.
• Add about 1 cup of cold water the to bottom of the pan.
• Bake brisket, covered, at 50 minutes per pound.
• 10 minutes before the brisket is done, remove from oven, uncover, and cover lightly with lemon juice and brown sugar.
• Bake oncovered at 375 degrees for the final 10 minutes.
• After baking, let brisket "rest" for 10-15 minutes before carving into thin slices.

Man, that's some GOOD brisket. Doesn't taste like a salt-lick, and has an almost candy-like crust. And the brisket sandwiches the day afterward.... Mmmmmmm!

Tonight's brisket is shy of 4 pounds, so we're eating dinner late tonight.