Uber Meat

Last night, my wife treated me to a treat I can only describe as Uber Meat. Ah, Uber Meat, the flavorful, just tender enough, meat-eating experience that can only be obtained by consuming a thick, medium-rare cut of cow. No chicken breast, nor pork chop, nor cut of seafood, no matter how seasoned and prepared, can compare to a heapin' hunk of beef that cries "moo" when you dive in with knife and fork.

My journey toward Uber Meat enlightenment has spanned my near 40 years of existence on this plane. Decades of medium to well-done steaks, under the precautionary banners of "fear of food contamination", "fear of food poisoning", and "just cook it through to make sure it won't kill you afterward" dotted my quest for moo-meat Nirvana. Growing up, I was blessed with parents who loved to cook a delightful array of dishes, but when it came to beef, what I come to consider Uber Meat was not on the menu.

A journey to Canada a couple of years ago, and my first plate of true prime rib, changed my perception of moo-meat forever. That simple dish introduced me to a bevy of flavors and textures that danced on my tongue like a caffeine-addicted Beatnik poet out of control until his brain explodes. With the first bite, my perception of what makes a good hunk of meat changed forever. Yes, it was that good. I had, finally, obtained the paragon of meat-loving goodness that is Uber Meat.

Fast-forward to present-day. When BBQ'ing or otherwise preparing a thick cut of cow, I insist on having mine medium-rare (some restaurants I have frequented cook their beef a touch more than tradition dictates, so I tell them, "make mine rare, you scorchers of cow!")... This week, my wife (who loves Uber Meat as much as I) cooked up some thick steaks just the way they should be done - broiled in the oven until medium-rare, and served with a simple side dish, in this case a rice pilaf. Such a prepared steak does not need sauces or spices. The flavor of the meat speaks for itself, almost to the point that a side dish would distract from how damn good the meat is. When prepared correctly, serving anything with Uber Meat merely provides a means to have an item in your meal that's from another food group. Nutritionists insist on veggies and such with your dinner. I say, "hell no!" For an orgasmic experience for the taste buds, all that's necessary is the Uber Meat.