Worst Album Covers Ever - Round Four

It's time once again to review some of the worst album covers of all time!

Yes Geraldine, trees talk too... when they are cut down, shaped, polished, painted and dressed like a miniature Evel Knievel from Hell, then forced to perform on an album with you, honey.

Frank, Joe, Carl, and Binky - the four Middle School Principals of the Apocalypse - sing your gospel favorites...

...or a comb? Or sleeves?

Liberace's dumpy cousin performs some of Scotland's unsung pop favorites, like "Haggis, Haggis, Who's Got the Haggis?", "My Favorite Color Is Plaid", and "Drunker Than the Irish".

This album actually contains recordings of Microsoft software engineers after they have been told of the myriad flaws in Windows Vista. When you consider that, the album is not that "amazing", is it?

Check out my previous "Worst Album Covers Ever" posts here, here, and here.

Worst Album Covers Ever - Round Five

Once again, it's time to look at some of the worst album covers ever. These stinkbombs have been sitting on music store shelves, just waiting for folks like you and I to pick them up, shout "what the hell!" and drop them like a snarling, incontinent Pomeranian. Let's begin...

For your consideration - Album Cover #1. An old man, a small boy in short shorts, and a donkey. I smell "sex offender" here.

Album Cover #2. Alla Pugatjova was so pleased with how well Viagra has improved her marriage, she's devoted an entire album to the "little blue pill".

Album Cover #3 - Larz Kristerz's Stuff Party 1. Nothing says "throw this record on the turntable for a rockin' good time at your next social gathering" than five guys in disco attire and Elvis hair, right? Right?

Album Cover #4. Yup, those disco/Elvis knuckleheads made another one. This time, they're apparently hard-up for cash, and are asking you to "stuff" some green in their hands, so they can party.

Album Cover #5. Our final submission for this post smacks of Neil Diamond meets Zorro the Gay Blade. I did a Wiki search for this one, and was surprised to learn the following about Orion:

Orion (February 26, 1945 – December 12, 1998) was the stage name of rockabilly singer Jimmy Ellis. Following the death of Elvis Presley in August 1977, Ellis dressed and sang in the manner of Presley and wore a mask during public appearances, fueling speculation that Presley had faked his death and returned to singing. Ellis' singing and natural speaking voice very closely resembled Presley's. Ellis had recorded rock and country singles under his real name for a number of independent labels since the early 1960s before adopting the Orion persona for Sun Records — Presley's first recording label — in 1980.

So wrong, so wrong, so wrong...

More bad album covers coming later, so stay tuned!

More of the Worst Album Covers

A while back, I posted some pictures of the worst album covers ever. I wanted to share with you a few other pictures from that crazy collection of musical rug-burns...

Two Bing Crosby look-alikes, dressed like Col. Sanders, belting out gospel music, with the Lord of Evil cheering them on from inside a Weber BBQ. Perhaps Satan is their manager? Critics called this album, "very hot".

Aaaaaaaaaarrrgh! Run away! The lunch lady from my junior high school has an album! Noooooooooo!

If you're looking for an early source of Global Warming, look no further than the massive beehive hairdo that takes up the majority of the center of this album cover. The amount of Aqua Net hairspray needed to keep that monstrosity up is directly linked to the depletion of Earth's ozone layer, which some contend is a contributing factor to the warming of the globe. (Greenies take note: beehive hairdos are bad for the environment!)

This album cover is as coy as a photo of a man cooking steaks on a BBQ with a caption that reads, "I like to eat beef". Is he a rapper? The album cover suggests that he may be a gastroenterologist, but the name "Pooh Man" may mean he is the world's biggest fan of Edward Bear's award-winning children's book character, Winnie-The-Pooh. Hey, MC Pooh! Eeyore and Piglet want you to give up the rap career and stick to inspecting colons, 'cause this album is less acceptable than a surprise finger-poke in the backside.

Worst Album Covers Ever

Surfing the web today... came across a site that features a gallery of some of the worst album covers ever. They are real stinkers. I thought I'd share a couple of them with you...

Freddie! Make new friends! And what an odd album title from such a cheery-sounding record label...


These folks look like the voc-ed teachers I knew in high school.


OK, this is just too creepy.


Zip! Zap! Rap! Crap!

Worst Album Covers Ever - Round Three

Surfing the web today, I came across more of the Worst Album Covers of All Time. We'll call this "Round Three". Enjoy!

I just can't wrap (or would it be "rap"?) my brain around this album cover. Is Swamp Dogg a rapper, a DJ, or a behavioral scientist with poor fashion sense and an equally poor moniker?

Lesbian Power Authority: something in between the Chicago Transit Authority and Prince's New Power Generation

Finally, we discover the source of Lyle Lovett's hairstyle! Thanks, Russia!

Fans of this extra-crunchy musical tidbit from Col. Harlan Sanders call it "finger lickin' good!"

This album cover gives new meaning to the phrase "sour cream". Dang! There comes a time when a woman should be discouraged from trying to sell albums by wearing nothing but a dairy product. For the Frivolous Five, that time came and went a while back. This cover is as sexy as botulism.

More to come later!