Reading a blog posting from
Felyne about pizza got me thinking about the odd varieties of pizza anyone can find at their local pizza parlour. I sumbit a few varieties...
Meat Smothers Pizza
Made with three times the helpings of sausage, pepperoni, and ground beef found in “normal” pizzas. Cheese extra. Includes an informative brochure on what to do in the event of a heart attack.
Dolphin-Free Seafood Pizza
Made with either canned tuna or canned salmon. Pizza still comes with a warning label about the health effects of mercury on pregnant women.
PETA Pizza
All ingredients are guaranteed to be animal-free, and have never been used for cosmetic testing. Varieties come in bland, very bland, and lipstick.
Enviro-Buddy Pizza
No meat, no veggies, no crust, and no sauce. Not only low-carb and low-calorie, but CFCs are not used to create it. How environmentally friendly can you get!
Earth Liberation Front Pizza
This variety of the PETA Pizza includes your choice of a coupon, either boasting half-off an arson attack against anyone trying to build a home, with a pre-scribed note, saying, “Construction Kills Trees!,” or half-off a vandalism or fire-bombing at a prominent research lab (usually at a university with a liberal student body), with a pre-scribed note, saying, “scientific research causes global warming!”
Tutti Fruity Patooti Pizza
Chock-full of fibrous fruit. Sweet-tasting, and very filling. May cause abdominal distension and/or excessive flatulence.
Love-filled/hate-filled Vegetarian Pizza
Peppers, onions, tomatoes, and olives, plus a complimentary “God hates meat eaters” protest sign.
The Bush-Basher Pizza
Your choice of any ingredients, piled as short or as high as you want. The pizza comes with a complimentary protest sign saying the government forced you to eat the pizza, and that any health problems that you may experience as a result of eating the pizza are entirely the fault of the Bush Administration. The back of the sign reads, “If Kerry won the election, federal programs would be in place to help me with my pizza choices”.
Dish up the pizza pie and enjoy! Mmmm... That's-a good eatin'!
